Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
