dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
