addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
