dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
