so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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