just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
