its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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