Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
