i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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