Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
