i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
