We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
smell my finger.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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