You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
