At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
