Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
