Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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