I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize