I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude i'm inner monologue high
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
