Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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