i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
