:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
