I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
