Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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