you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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