How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize