We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
