You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
