I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
this must be what syphilis tastes like
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
