one two three fourrrrnication!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
