My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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