i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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