hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
