I cockslap morals
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
