How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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