i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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