walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
