sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
