So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
home. puking in laundry basket.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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