And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
