; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she pinky promised me she was 18
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize