we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
