Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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