So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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