Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
