ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
