i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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