so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
