I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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