And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
