Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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