Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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