the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize