its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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