Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Someone came in the potted fern
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize