I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize