I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
