Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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