The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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