please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize