So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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