I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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