so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's always time for handjobs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
