The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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