Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
