I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
