Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The adults are the big ones right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
