she smelled like a LAN party
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
