hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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