You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
